Curling Jokes

Listed below is a collection of Funny Curling Sports Jokes, Jokes about Curling. SportsJokeCafe.com has a large funny joke collection sorted by sport category

Avid curler at the Pearly Gates Avid curler from Winnipeg passed away and is met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. The man asks, St Peter, curling has been a big part of my life.I hope they have curling in heaven St Peter replies, Yes, we have a fine facility. Let me show you. They walk a little and enter into the curling club where the man sees a lone person racticing. The man is wearing a Canada jersey the red maple leaf - with name Martin. The man from Winnipeg says. I didnt know Kevin Martin passed away? St. Peter replied, No, that's God he just thinks he is Kevin Martin! View Full Joke

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF CURLING 1. Thou shalt worship the lord thy skip with all thy heart and all thy soul. Thou shalt not taketh the name of thy skip in vain. 2. Thou shalt observe each curling day as a holy day. Six days shall ye toil, but on curling day thou shalt enter the House of Curling and partieth on. 3. Thou shalt not wear thy street shoes upon the surface of the ice. The skips must stone to death any infidel who bringeth unholy crap upon the ice. 4. Thou shalt not pass wind in the direction of thy opposing skip. If this ye doest, the penalty shall be death. 5. Thou shalt place thy skip's rock before the holy hack with the handle pointed in thy skip's preferred position. 6. Thou shalt not wear pants of outrageous design. If this ye doest, thy fellow curlers must heapeth scorn and insults upon thee. 7. Thou shalt not covet thy opponent's in-turn or out-turn. Neither covet thy foe's draw weight. 8. Thou shalt not hoggeth thy rock in the shoot-out. If this ye doest, ye must offer up a double round to appease the wrath of thy team-mates. 9. Thou shalt not let thy head swell with victory over thy betters. Woe unto he who does, for he shall come crashing rudely to the earth. 10. Thou shalt not heap blame upon the keepers of the ice for thy losses. Neither shall ye blame the makers of the rocks. Blame not thy team-mates, yet look inward to thyself for fault. View Full Joke

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'RE HAVING A BAD GAME : 10. They start pebbling the ice in the fourth end. 9. Your skip keeps saying, "Nice try!" 8. Your opposition starts hanging its score on the next sheet. 7. While you're in the washroom, your team-mates sneak away to the bar. 6. The Ice-maker starts heckling you. 5. It's only the third end and already you owe your team-mates six drinks. 4. Your opposition is lying four and your skip wants you to throw your rock through the house. 3. You throw out your knee in the first end and your team-mates don't even notice. 2. Your sweepers burst into laughter when you release your rock. 1. You score an eight-ender in the second end and you have to throw your last rock to win 9-8. View Full Joke

Top Reasons Why Curling Is Better Than Sex In curling, you don't have to fake it when you're not having a good time. In curling, when it gets out of hand, you can quit. It's OK to curl on national TV in front of millions of people. In curling, you can score up to 10 times in one night. A really good curling game lasts two and a half hours. In curling, size, looks and age are all irrelevant. In curling, you don't regret a mistake nine months later. When you're finished curling, someone else has to clean the sheets. In curling, you're expected to yell, "hurry, hurry, hard all the way!" In curling, there are four positions to know, but you only have to be good at one of them. View Full Joke

Mom and Dad curling! Manager phones the home of an employee and gets one of the children on the phone. "Could I speak to your dad, please" "My mom and dad are away at a curling bonspiel" "Well when your dad gets home ask him to phone his boss at work, I need to know how long he'll be away with his broken leg" View Full Joke

Biblical sport Is curling a biblical sport? Yes, replied Jesus: "Let he who is without spin cast the first stone." View Full Joke

If you have a funny joke that you would like to submit to this sports category, please click here